The Ground Rules

Alright. In order to complete a one man triathlon I have to act as the race organizer.  Easy enough. It's not like I have to coordinate with the city to block off roads; but I do need to lay down some ground rules so I don’t cheat.  I also have to create a simulated tri that is as real as possible. Here are some of my thoughts as well as my rules and how I will overcome some of the criticism of my little triathlon.

• Transitions -making the transition from swimming to biking and biking to running takes time in a real triathlon.  Because I cannot bike in a gym wet, I will have to take time to dry off completely before moving on to the bike section.  This will obviously impact my time negatively. Therefore, I will take the average transition time from actual triathlons and add it to my times swimming, biking and running. I am going to add 6 minutes total. I researched that the average transition time is around 2 minutes per transition. I add a minute on top of that as I am a beginner.
• Terrain – running and biking across completely flat ground is not an accurate simulation of a real triathlon.  Consequently, I will choose predetermined “courses” on the treadmill and stationary bike that will simulate hills.  I am still trying out different examples but trust me that I will not run/bike a completely flat course.
• Swimming - I cannot simulate swimming with other people around, nor waves/currents in the water.  Sorry bout it.  Deal.  This is a one man tri and there are bound to be a few things different.

So will all this in mind I am going to undertake my one man triathlon.  I am attempting a sprint triathlon which is 800 meter swim, 14 mile bike, 5k run.  I hope to complete this is under 2 hours.  25 minute swim, 45 minute bike, 40 minute run.  I will also do this all without using a single paper cup.

Let's start at the very beginning...

Last year I was a spectator at the Chicago Marathon.  It was a life changing event for me; but not in a positive - I'm going to run a marathon way.  It was more like a - I hate marathons and those who run them - kind of a way.  It seems that everyone loves, and has some sort of respect for people who run marathons.  I admit at some point in my life I would have had some admiration for people who could run 26 miles and change without stopping to take a leak, but NO MORE.  Let me say that marathons are lame.  They are jam packed with people littering.  When I see a 26.2 bumper sticker on a car, I think "That guy is a litter bug."  What is it about running that makes it impossible to throw away your trash?  For being such a driven runner, you sure are lazy about throwing shit away.  The Chicago Marathon course was LINED with trash cans; did anyone stop to throw out their Jolly Rancher wrappers - hell no.  They were racing; they couldn't possibly take a few seconds to be a decent human.  I watched the Chicago Marathon for quite a while to see if anyone would take the time to throw something away, which no one did.. NOT ONE PERSON.  Another point here, this was approximately 2 hours after the Kenyans had already won the race.  These were not people competing for anything other than a personal goal.  Are you really keeping your personal best time down to the second?  You're a freak if you do.  Here's another hint, build in some time to your personal goal to throw your shit away.

All this said, I am interested in participating in a triathlon.  Solely for the fact that I need to get off my ass and have some reason to get me to the gym.  I will not however, participate in an event that endorses the one time use of a paper cup that is littered on the ground.  Therefore, I am participating in a one man triathlon at my gym.  I will never win a triathlon in my life time, so the only time that matters is my personal best.  I can achieve this all by myself without the litter or the stupid bumper stickers.  Also I will not have a medal or trophy to vainly display for everyone to see.  (Although this blog kind of ruins this argument for me, as I am letting everyone know what I am doing.  Sorry about that.) 

So this blog will be me telling my story of my one man triathlon and how others don't need sanctioned events where littering is tolerated.  This is my anti-society triathlon and probably the motivation I need to actually train and complete a sprint triathlon.

Wish me luck